This is the best kind of story, where the end is really the beginning.

I started this blog ? Years ago, learning to trust God’s goodness in my life. “Silly Mad Scientist,” you might say, “Of course God is good.” I knew that truth, but what my blog showed me over time was God’s goodness in my life. Jerry Bridges says there are two questions we ask ourselves when it comes to living out what we know about God. The first query is, “Can I trust God?” I asked myself this as I questioned God’s plan for my life. I blogged and wondered, is God good, and does He love me? Have I put my life into the hands of a strict and harsh master, or is God actually kind? Is He going to make me a nun? Does He want me to be a miserable martyr exuding tortuous holiness? I doubted the value of surrender because I wanted to fight for the white-picket-fence lifestyle of my dreams. My fight clearly showed my distrust of God and my ignorance of His character.

The second question Jerry Bridges says we need to ask, “Can I trust God?” seemed to be answered in the process of waiting. The question here concerns not God’s character, but mine. In the beginning, I don’t believe I did. I think God needed to take away my supports of self-reliance and entertainment so I could learn to trust God to provide what I could not achieve myself. This sounds so cliche, so Christian, but it comprises the basic foundation of our faith: What we cannot earn, God provides. My doubt that God could, or would, provide revealed a basic misunderstanding of the gospel.

Here ends my story as a single: on June 19th, 2010 I met the man of my dreams at my best friend’s wedding. I used hate going to weddings because they accentuated my loneliness; how funny is it that God gave me companionship at one?

At first I felt scared: what if I got hurt? What if my dreams crashed? Thankfully, a C.S. Lewis quote pointed me the right way, saying “We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armor. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.” God answered my question, “Can I trust God?” with “Yes.” I can trust Him to do what is best for me. I can trust Him to care for my heart and the heart of the man I love.

My Mr. Wonderful took me dancing. He swept me off my feet, and neither of us could sleep for weeks after we started dating. The excitement pulsing through our veins at the sight of each other only intensified with time. I remember the weekend we fell in love, three weeks into our relationship, and we knew we had met the match God designed for us. I had thought I would feel guarded and cautious with my emotions, but let’s face it, I could not help myself. The Lord provided more than I even knew to ask for in a man.

As we sought the Lord, everything fell into place. I remember dreading the first time we might disagree, or I would let him down, or I would need to ask his forgiveness, thinking these things would dampen our relationship. Instead, they have only driven us deeper into God’s word and closer to each other. I set a low value on grace until I found how desperately I need it.

That same grace, however, stands as the reason for my current joy. My Mr. Wonderful cannot live a perfect life and satisfy my soul. He cannot cleanse me from sin, although he encourages me to fight it. He also cannot provide for my every need and know a word before it comes on my lips. Those attributes belong to the Lord alone, and being single led me to understand, to some small degree, the beauty and joy of the Lord.

“The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul; He guides me in the path of righteousness for His name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; You have annointed my head with oil; My cup overflows. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.” -Psalm 23

http://beta.desiringgod.org/resource-library/resources/holy-women-who-hoped-in-god

It’s called “Holy Women who Hoped in God.” And yes, it talks to us single ladies too! A friend sent it to encourage me, and I want to pass it along and share it with you! God bless, and be encouraged.

Just a quote: “We shall draw nearer to God, not by trying to avoid the sufferings inherent in all loves, but by accepting them and offering them to Him; throwing away all defensive armour. If our hearts need to be broken, and if He chooses this as the way in which they should break, so be it.” -C.S. Lewis from “The Four Loves”

“Take care, brethren, that there not be in any one of you an evil, unbelieving heart that falls away from the living God. But encourage one another day after day, as long as it is still called ‘Today,’ so that none of you will be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin.” Heb. 3:12-13

God commands us to encourage each other “day after day.” This means we are to daily seek a way to encourage those in our lives to seek righteousness and reject sin! “Day after day” seems pretty constant to me, and I can’t wait to see how I can encourage my fellow believers to forsake “the deceitfulness of sin.” I recently received some much-needed encouragement myself. I found it so uplifting, I’d like to take the liberty of sharing a wise friend’s encouragement with you here.

“TheMad Scientist-

Hope you enjoyed the wedding this weekend – seems like you’ve been ‘marrying off’ lots of friends lately! I just wanted to jot a note of encouragement ~ I’ve been there! There was a time in my life when ALL my friends were ‘walking the aisle’ – urg – my best friend had her 3rd baby girl before I was in a serious relationship! All I wanted was to be a wife and mamma, and it felt like (at 23! ha!) that was never gonna happen. Now older (and wiser? =D) I see marriages failing around me and I know how blessed I am that He protected me. While I didn’t always wait without anxiousness (ok – never!) I am beyond blessed where I am now. Of course I have no idea what the Lord has planned for you, but I know that right now you are patiently waiting, serving, and being a blessing to all those around you! You will likely not have a time like this again in your life- Where you are ‘free’ to serve, travel, love on those around you. And if for some reason the Lord keeps you single- He will also bring you a contentment and peace with that assignment! Take care- you truly are a blessing!

- A Godly Lady”

She also included chocolate with her note, and I could not be more grateful. Couple that with a message I received from a sweet friend offering a shoulder to cry on or a massage, and the sweet family members at church checking on me to encourage me, and you have a perfect example of how the body of Christ ought to function. I’m so blessed and encouraged. Praise God for His work and constant support in so many tangible (and edible!) ways! I’ll leave you with the encouragement of Col. 3:12-17:

“ Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

Today’s message in Sunday school this morning came from 1 Peter 3, the chapter on submission. Normally women hate this chapter because it convicts them. However, since I remain single, I thought I could sit and listen with equanimity. Not so. As our teacher addressed the different roles that men and women hold in a marriage relationship, I watched the older couple in front of me lean over and whisper cute little remarks and jokes to each other. I bet they were giggling over “that one time” when “he-said-she-said.” What really struck me, though, came from the sense of friendship, completeness, and companionship they displayed. I looked around and suddenly realized how a husband and a wife remain best friends. I longed for that security. Once again, I felt alone in a crowd of people, like an odd sock in a drawer of perfectly matched pairs. My girlfriends can’t fill this void because most of my friends seem to be dating/married/engaged. As it should be, their significant other holds that place in their heart. I have no guy. I sit, waiting, for someone to come along and fill that role in my life.

Today’s rush of sadness came after an eye-opening experience on Friday night. I have been house sitting recently and I accidentally locked myself out of the house. I realized my plight at 5:30 and panicked because I was hosting a bachelorette party at 7pm. I needed to leave at 5:45 to make it to the location on time. Obviously, I couldn’t make that happen.  One hour, much embarrassment, and 10 phone calls later, I sat on the steps of the house waiting for my dad to bring me the spare key. Solitary, sad, and stressed I asked God, “Father, what am I supposed to learn from this?” He didn’t immediately reply, so I just sat there and waited. I tried counting my blessings: Dad was on his way, help would be here soon, and I would just have to deal with the situation instead of succumbing to tears. “Dad’s driving, he’s on his way,” I told myself over and over again. By then I was so stressed I was watching the road for the direction he’d appear, and I had totally forgotten that I was waiting for the key. Forget some metal object. Right then, I just wanted the comfort of my father telling me I’d be okay and, “don’t worry, I’m here.” I wasn’t focused on the key to my immediate problem (please forgive the pun). I wanted the familiar security of my dad.

“…My dad… oh my!” I thought. Earlier I’d sent this email:

“Hi Dad!

I just wanted to send you a quick note telling you how grateful I am for you. Many people have trouble relating to the analogy of God as their Heavenly Father because their earthly father was mean, messed up, or living in sin. You, my earthly father, bless me so much because you are a reflection of my Heavenly Father. You show me love, gentleness, kindness, diligence, and consideration. You are godly. And I appreciate you.

Thanks for being a reflection of my Heavenly Father to me.

Always your little girl,
TheMad Scientist”

Suddenly, I understood why I needed to sit on hard brick steps, waiting for my father. When I was in trouble, I didn’t want the meager fix of a key. What I really desired was Dad’s presence. The same principle applies to my life now. I shouldn’t focus on finding the ‘fix’ to my singleness. Instead, I need to learn to bask in the comfort of my Heavenly Father. I know Him. I know I can trust Him. I simply need to learn to watch for Him and His work in my life the same way I looked for Dad that day.

Yes, I may sit waiting now, but I’m only seemingly alone. My Father comforts me. I’ve seen the character of my Father and I know I can trust Him.

Thanks for always being there for me, Dad.

My friend keeps mixing up the title, asking, “When are you going to the bachelor party?” Hehehe, no I’m not having that kind of night on the town. I think it’s funny.

One of the (unsaved) bridesmaids asked me if I was going to hire an “entertainer.” NO. EWW. YUCK. I’m praying for an opportunity to share the gospel with her tonight.

To end on a good note, I’m sooo excited about glammin’ it up tonight, wearing heels, and havin’ a PAR-TAY!

It’s time to celebrate the BEAUTIFUL.

I have writer’s block. At least, that’s what the doctor said. I guess I didn’t expect to have such a serious condition, but when I really couldn’t think of any ideas for posts, or I started 7 different posts and couldn’t figure out how to end them, I knew something was wrong. I’m still coming to grips with this, but am exploring some natural remedies for this condition.

So, without the pressure of writing well, I am resolved to just write and update you about my single life. I had a lovely chat with my hairdresser the other day about singleness. I had her laughing at my best friend’s desperate attempts to set me up with a guy, and all the drama inherent in that process.

“Wow,” she remarked. “When I was single, that’s all I was. I was just single. I didn’t have all this  going on!”

“I really don’t either,” I told her. “I just have a friend who wants me to get a guy. They don’t really like me, and it’s not even like I see them. I just get to hear her talk about them!”

“Why would she do that?” she asked.

“I guess because she wants me to find the same happiness she has. She’s about to move away and she wants to know that I’ll be okay.”

“Hmmm,” my hairdresser thought a moment. “Would you ever consider e-Harmony?”

“Not right now,” I said. “Before I do anything that purposeful in looking for a relationship, I have a few personal goals I’d like to accomplish. I mean, if a relationship came my way now I’d be fine, but before I do something that drastic and focused, I’d like to have a more direct personal ministry.”

It was a good and thought provoking question. I felt glad she asked because it made me think about where I was and what I needed to do.

Here’s another “to do” list, this one more compelling than the answer I gave to my hairdresser. It comes from 2 Pet. 1:5-11:

“For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins. Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall. For in this way there will be richly provided for you an entrance into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”

You can now follow TheMad Scientist on facebook!

I know, I know, your life seemed incomplete until that announcement was made. I try. I really do.

Honestly, though, my thinking behind this step is to hopefully introduce people to the blog while still keeping my secret identity safe. So, feel free to spread the word like butter on bread, like frosting on a cake, and like sunscreen on your body. To further facilitate this, I’m providing you with a handy dandy link:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php?ref=home#!/profile.php?id=100001140918823&v=wall

Please forgive the number of corny expressions in this post, and continue with your lives as they were before. Thanks!

TheMad Scientist

Shocked, you might beg for an explanation. Auction blocks? Evil lurking in purses? Whatever could the Mad Scientist mean? What was in that tea anyway?

As to the tea, I assure you dear reader, it was Nutcracker Sweet and absolutely delicious. The purses themselves, I assume, were harmless enough, but when the conversation  turned to which girls were single, their contents became deadly. Before I knew what was going on, our sweet wedding planner, Lynn, had reached in her designer name handbag and produced:

an iPhone!

Working quickly, she pulled up facebook in no time, and opened the profile of a young man she knew.

“What about this one,” she asked, passing around her iPhone for the girls to examine. “He’s 24, single, and very athletic. My husband used to run cross country with him in high school. He currently works for such-and-such corporation and has stunning blue eyes.”

Not to be outdone, the bride-to-be followed suit, whipping out her Apple-designed auction block.

“Blue-eyes might do nicely for Elizabeth,” she agreed, “but what do you think about this guy for the Mad Scientist? I keep trying to get her to ask him out on a date, but she won’t.”

“Ooo! Let me see!” The mother of the groom exclaimed, and then as she perused his profile pictures, “Oh yes, very nice indeed. This guy looks like a keeper. How old is he? Does he have a college degree?”

I sat in embarrassed silence as a roomful of women played matchmaker. “How does this help me?” I thought to myself. “Is their advocacy for a match going to make him pursue me any faster?”

“Wait a minute!” One of the single girls declared, “Blue-eyes will never do. Look at him! He listed ‘motorcycles’ under his interests. I don’t do motorcycles.”

“Let me see!” her sister exclaimed. “Now this has potential! Can I meet him, Lynn?”

…and the bartering went on. Physiques were analyzed, hair cuts criticized, and personal qualifications aired. I’ve often wondered what a guy would have thought if he had been a fly on the wall. I found myself laughing with the other girls as we analyzed complete strangers. In retrospect, it turned out to be a great bonding moment, and from that experience, I learned one sage lesson:

The iPhone is the new eHarmony, so network wisely.

Now if we could only find a relational equivalent for eBay, preferably with a “buy now” option to eliminate the wait…

This morning I read in Amos about God’s judgment on the sin of Gilgal. They “had it all,” they were the party central adult swim of the ancient world- fluid, loose living, and scantily clad in Ralph Lauren. They were people.com pretty. The world considered this city a royal playground and today’s Malibu would have been nothing to it…I bet they offered great lectures on self-esteem.

While opulence and sin never seem to lose their onyx charms, Scripture stops the glitter and allure of Gilgal short. God condemned and judged their superficial sin, and while the “it” destination may have had the hottest nightlife, it lacked righteousness, repentance, and humility.

I wonder, had I lived there and stepped outside in the humid illusion of happiness… would I act like I know that those are what count?

So much of my life centers on the superficial…

On looks… on grades…

On books…  on shades of other’s thoughts,

on Hollywood, spawning the ideals of East Coast Dollywood, and from there far flung to Bollywood. The thoughts don’t change, the hot intents of hearts don’t cool with the nightly Western dip of the sun. Our minds, depraved, crave crap sold in pretty packages with cash advances. My focus lies wholly inward and wrong.

And here is where pride takes a stand and lures me prettily with its crooked backstabbing hand. Its worth of rot is masked with musk and in the wet dusk looks alright. It even feels green and smooth in the starlit night, but ugliness grows, and by morning I find an army is camped outside my walls and has cut off the water supply. Surprised, I search in parched pots and cisterns for fluid life but I don’t have any. At the words, “I’m empty,” I find distilled truth. I must look outside myself.

But where I look is the thing. Uplifted eyes to the mountains of Gilgal will never see salvation. Their cisterns lie empty too, but their mirages might make a nice computer backdrop. No- salvation teems of dirt and understanding griefs and borne burdens, of blood dropped like a purple handkerchief on mud, of royalty brought low, of strange fashions. Stripes are all the rage.

Salvation lies in the humility of the Savior, so deep and complex it even defied the skill of Dickens. My sin, the muck where I wallow, shames London town and its vices. And for this – my pride – Christ was brought low?

I experience a moment of lighted insight. Tears fill my eyes and my cheeks as I think of the way I blink and flutter over me, and how my swelling pride caused Christ to writhe in pain, royalty brought low and dragged in the mire of me, like a purple handkerchief, now stained.

How He should hate me!